


The Cost of a Miracle

by knightinpinkunderwear



Category: Dexter (TV)
Genre: 8x12, Angst, Assisted Suicide, Codependency, Dexter thinks that all problems in the world are his fault, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Constipation, Episode: s08e12 Remember the Monsters?, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hospitals, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Murder, Sad Ending, Season/Series 08, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Suicidal Thoughts, becuase his dad was pretty bad at treating him like a person, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22406143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinpinkunderwear/pseuds/knightinpinkunderwear
Summary: A different take on 8x12. Dexter decides that there is one way for a miracle to happen. And he knows Deb will hate him for it. But if she gets to live then that's worth it.And if she doesn't...he won't have to live in a world without her.
Relationships: Debra Morgan & Dexter Morgan, Debra Morgan/Joey Quinn
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	The Cost of a Miracle

Deb was supposed to be alright. They caught Saxon. Her surgery went well.

So why did Quinn look like that and where was she?

 _The ICU. She stopped breathing._

She was hooked up to so many machines, they were breathing for her.

The doctor's words wash over him like waves. He almost forgets that Quinn is there.

_Blood clot, surgery, stroke. Lost brain function._

"No, you don't know her, she'll get through this, Deb's tough, she's a miracle," Quinn insists, voice wavering. Dexter hears him like he's underwater, the sound warbled and muffled.

"I'm sorry to say but it would be a miracle," the doctor says.

_Miracle._

Deb is lying too still. She doesn't look asleep, not with the machines breathing for her. Not pale and unresponsive in the itchy gown and sheets the of hospital bed.

_Miracle._

In Dexter's experience, good things, especially really good things don't come for free. There's always a catch, a price.

But without Deb... he'd be lost.

He wanted her to go hiking. To live another day to curse and eat steak and drink beer. And be happy and her wonderful self.

Without his little sister...there was no way he could do it. Live, be happy.

She was always there, even if she was pissed at him. Even if she hated him.

 _"Gain a Morgan, Lose a Morgan."_ Matthews had said.

But now they were losing both.

Saxon would pay.

He was not going to let the bastard steal his little sister away. (He'd lost enough family, enough people).

Dexter found himself at Miami Metro Holding in no time. With a pen, a GSR test, and a motive.

He signs in without any trouble, the woman hands him a panic button.

Saxon is smug. Sitting in his metal cell, on a metal chair behind a metal table.

Dexter sets down the set, the panic button, and finally the pen.

Saxon doesn't say a word, watching him open the kit, and put on his white plastic gloves, one at a time.

He meets the murderer's eyes, killer to killer. Perhaps Saxon understands that only one of them will make it out of this room.

"I wish I could blame you for everything, for what you did to my sister. But I know it's all my fault," he breaks eye contact as he finishes talking, mechanically taking out each carefully-packed component of the GSR test. 

"Should have walked away," Saxon says. And he is wrong, so very wrong.

Dexter chuckled. It was walking away, giving him over to Deb for arrest, that was the mistake.

"No. What you've done is opened my eyes, forced me to look at myself."

"And what do you see?" Saxon is smiling, almost the way that Brian did.

"A trail of blood and body parts,"

"What a pretty picture," Saxon says, smiling like a predator.

"In one sharp moment you took away this foolish dream that I could have a happy life," but how true was that? How many times had he thought the same thing and been proven wrong before? With Rita and the kids, with Lumen, twice now with Hannah, and poor Harrison... How much danger he'd put them all in. How many times it took him to learn the lesson that Harry had taught him so long ago. He was meant to be alone so that he didn't drag anyone else down into his darkness. So that he didn't put them in danger and fracture their lives when the truth finally came out about him.

"Is that why you're here? To tell me about all this?" Saxon is still smiling, still thinks that he'll be keeping Dexter from what he wants. Still thinking that he's responsible for taking away his dream, his sister.

Dexter knows how to turn the tides though, how to make Saxon think he'll be taking control back. Thank you, Brian, Miami Metro, and Deb for this lesson in manipulation.

"No, I'm here to kill you with that pen," he says, calmly, only acknowledging the possible and soon-murder-weapon with a tilt of his head.

Saxon drops his gaze, looking at it, Dexter watches him, making no moves to reach for it.

Slowly Saxon's gaze lifts back up, meets his for a second. And then the action begins.

Dexter doesn't move, watching with the corners of his mouth trying to find a smile. Saxon pounces grabbing the pen and driving it forwards through the air and into Dear, Devoted Dexter's chest.

It's not his heart, sadly.

Dexter smiles and uses the cortisol pumping through his system to hit the panic button and lean into where Saxon is still holding the pen.

Alarms go off, Dexter lets himself fall. The pen is ripped from his chest. There's blood in his smile.

Saxon got a lung then.

He's almost drowned once before, but this is different.

This time he's drowning in blood, how poetic.

Born in blood, only to drown in it.

A blood sacrifice for a miracle. One life costs another.

The woman from the desk is at the door, with a Uni, and Angel.

"Dex what the hell are you doing here? Oh, _Dios Mio!_ Get an ambulance!" Angel is next to him, on his knees, the woman probably securing Saxon in handcuffs.

"Wanted... look him... in the eyes," blood bubbles up, his words are choking him. "Tell Deb... sorry,"

"No, Dex you're gonna make it through this," Angel says and the words are so faint, the low blood pressure in his brain. It was starting to ration for the necessary functions, like breathing and keeping his heart beating. He laughed, more blood finding it's way up and out, staining his face and filling his lungs and windpipe. That rationing was doing exactly what it was meant to prevent, it was going to kill him.

His vision is starting to get overrun with static, he feels like he's underwater again, he can hardly hear anything. Angel looks like he's saying something but the words don't get through.

Dexter is still smiling, Harrisson, Hannah, Cody and Astor, and Deb will all be safe from him.

His head was on the floor but it was spinning, everything was going away, he was so tired. His vision was gone, a flat canvas of dark brown. "Lose a Morgan, gain a Morgan,"

* * *

_"Lose a Morgan, gain a Morgan,"_ Dexter had said. 

And all that was going through Sargeant Angel Batista's mind was _what the fuck._

Dexter was supposed to go on a holiday with his niño, Deb was supposed to be healthy on her first week back as a detective. 

It had only been one day. A proverbial hurricane had his before the real one had finished approaching. 

The ambulance comes but Dexter's already cold, and he's already called Vince to do a report. 

Quinn showed up behind Vince. 

He doesn't expect the crime scene to be full of their blood spatter analyst's blood. 

"Holy shit," 

Vince looks like he'll never joke again, and Angel can't blame him. 

Angel has his friend's blood on his shirt, and on his hands and he wonders if he'll ever be free of the feeling. And he wonders, how in the hell is he supposed to tell Debra if she pulls through. 

And he prays she will. One Morgan is enough to lose in a day. 

He doesn't feel better after submitting his shirt to evidence and putting on a spare, calling the grandparents, Astor picks up. She screams when he tells her. 

She and her brother had lost three parents. And Angel could not see any good in that. 

Angel doesn't tell the kids about Dexter's last words. 

* * *

Debra wakes up a week later, hurricane Laura has passed and Joey is by her side. There's stupid flowers everywhere. 

"The fuck happened?"

"You got a blood clot in surgery and it moved and they said you had a stroke," 

"So that's why I feel like shit run over by a van," she tries to joke, Joey doesn't laugh. 

"Yea," Joey's smile is sad. 

"The fuck is wrong with you?" 

"Something happened when you were in that coma," he said, voice missing the stupid pep it usually had. 

"Well what is it?" Debra hoped someday people would stop being vague when they have bad news. And just fucking come out and say it. 

"Your brother, he-" 

"He get arrested?" She tries to joke, hating the look in his eyes and what it might mean. Dexter is all the family she has left. Him and Harrison. 

"Deb, I'm sorry," he was using his serious voice, and he looks so much like a kicked puppy. "Your brother died." 

She doesn't say a thing. It can't be real. Something has to be wrong. She woke up in the wrong fucking universe or something, Dexter couldn't just be dead. 

"He went in to do a GSR test on Saxon and the bastard stabbed him," 

"Bullshit," She knows he can handle himself with a knife. There's no way he'd get killed unless he hadn't fought back. But that was stupid, why wouldn't he?

"I'm sorry Deb, he's gone, he just heard from your doctor that you probably wouldn't make it and he went and got stabbed," 

"What the fuck are you trying to say," 

"The doctor said you'd need a miracle to live, to get better, I don't think Dexter wanted to live," Joey says it as if he's got some special insight. But Dexter wouldn't do that. He had a son for fuck's sake. Dexter wasn't suicidal, he could live without her, right?

(No.)

(He'd gone through hell with Dr. Vogul trying to keep her in his life and help her get better. He relied on her so much. He'd said so.)

Joey takes her hand. She pulls it away. She doesn't want to be around anyone right now. 

Her brother is dead. 

"That miracle damn sure wasn't for free," she says, feeling abandoned and horribly, horribly alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yea so I finished watching Dexter this morning and I cannot honestly believe that Dexter would be able to live on long after Deb's death. He's so reliant on her and he has now pushed everyone away becuase he keeps blaming everything on himself. And yea some of it makes sense but he takes it to an extreme. And let's be real he ain't gonna let himself live for much longer. 
> 
> For those of you wondering why I didnt say his vision faded to black. I've actually had low blood pressure in my head and had my vision and half my hearing just disappear for a few minutes. It's dark brown, not black. Like a solid sheet of dark brown. It sucked.


End file.
